Time to get Gnar

An hour and a half left until I leave corporate America to get gnarley at the beach...

Please please let the weather be nice! I need to recharge my tan. I mean, what fun is running around naked unless you look like the Coppertone kid?

I have the greatest friends in the world. Like everyone else in the English speaking world, I admit to facebook stalking. It's a great self-esteem booster to look up people who’ve seen you naked,( er, cool people you used to hang out with) and compare their life to yours. Usually, I win. Photo above, I dated WhiteTshirt my sophmore year of college. We met at a frat party when he told me he liked my pumas. Clearly the beginning of a mature and lasting relationship. Now? Greenman's throne.

Who willingly makes this their profile pic? The same person that wants to have Justin Timberlake's Future Sex Love Sounds* on while making out. *Granted, that album was the hottest shit at the time, but I am still irrevocably scarred. Seriously though, I love running into this kid. Slightly egomaniacal, slightly homosexual, but can dance like Zac Efron on coke, dress so well it makes Ryan Seacrest look like he shops at sears, and sweet talk anything with vajaja like Marc Anthony trying to get some from JLo.

Smile for the camera! I love that she has/had a sex tape too. I guess someone had enough sense to video tape himself f-ing out her meth-soaked brains a few years back. Oh my, how far she has come. The eating disorder? Totally unexpected. Who could ever imagine that she has reason hate herself and have issues like that?

Caught ya...you sneaky son of a bitch. David Mormon-ass Archuleta's dad was caught with his dick inside a hooker. Figures. Busted in a raid at some Utah massage parlor.

I want to drug you, drag you back to my lair, do things to you that would make Ron Jeremy blush, and make you a slave to my desires. I want you Bradley Cooper....

Let's Have Some Fun, This Beat is Sick.....

I'm so overjoyed today!!! Finally the weekend, finally sunny, and finally a morning commute that didn't make me want to rip my hair out! Dewey in 12 hours baby!

She does blazers so well. Kate Bosworth is the poster child for "new Classic".

How Victoria's Secret Models look after having babies. Not fair. I can't tell if Ambrosia is genetically gifted or just works her ass off at the gym, but I am seriously envious of her bod. Cute baby too.

LC's been wearing her hair up alot lately. Sometimes it looks adorable, other times (above) it can look grandma-esque. She has such gorgeous hair, I don' t know why she is messing with perfection.

Emmy Rossum. Sooooo cute! I'm a fan of preppy/nautical attire obviously, but this is so flattering (which is kinda hard to do when dabbling in horizontal stripes) and perfect for summer. I want that bag too.

Well, that sucks. Stephanie has had a variety of issues, including pre-Hills drug problems, but I don't understand why some "celebrities" pour their heart out to gossip rags about such personal issues. There's the "Is (fill in the blank) too Skinny?" headline, which is usually a photo comparison and speculation...which sucks. I mean, everyone's weight fluctuates and it sucks to gain or lose 5lbs and have the media compare 2 unflattering pictures and try to argue you have an eating disorder. That, really does suck for some celebs. But She-Pratt, on the other hand, went to US Weekly and said, "hey, let's do an article on my eating disorder...I'm thinking cover story?" Why? Is she sad her 15 minutes are up? Does she think America will feel bad for her because she has low self-esteem and couldn't handle being compared to her co-stars, who, have healthy body images and actually hit the gym? An article full of fluff and half-witted quotes from some D-list "reality star" isn't going to make teenagers shoving their fingers down their throat stop or seek help. What will? I don't know, but Jamie Pressley's article in Shape a few months ago was much more real and inspiring. Cliff notes: Jamie was a model before she was an actress and struggled with the maintaining the industry look at the time. Now, recovered, older and wiser, she is healthy, happy, balanced and realizes that image isn't what keeps you "hot" in Hollywood....you've got to have something else...like, I don't know....talent?

Gee, sharing scenes with this apparently pushed Stephanie Pratt to self-destruction. Meanwhile, Lauren's always been candid about gaining/losing weight, Hollywood and their obsession with body image, and her exercise/diet. Lets see...she works out, eats healthy (yay vegetarian!) and is happy with herself...what bad influence.

Another train wreck in the body image department. Why the hell would she twitter this? Lohan is another perfect example. Let's recap. A few years ago, when she was Hollywood's "It girl", she lost a significant amount of weight, causing many to speculate. She denied, denied, denied. Then, she did a bikini shoot for W magazine and said, "yes, I was making myself sick." When it came out, she claimed they misquoted her, she didn't have a problem, and lost all the weight by eating healthy and exercising....only to be photographed constantly with a cigarette in her hand, boozing, and eating trailer-park food...if anything at all. Since, she's be reprimanded for her on and off-set behavior, starred in terrible movies, been to rehab a few times, and now, apparently, stealing jewelry off of photo shoots. She's done a great job of destroying her body and looks like she's 90 years old these days. She bleached the crap out of her once gorgeous scarlet hair, can't get work, and aside from sexual orientation, clearly has alot of issues these days. The sad thing is, she's so desperate to be back on top, she twitters shit like the photo above.

Evan Rachel Wood. Dita Von Tease Doppelganger. Nice dress though.

Original version. Now there is someone with great self-esteem. Fashion icon, made burleque famous, dated Marilyn Manson, and gets front row at Fashion Week shows. Timeless/Classic beauty and embraces her curves. So Hot Right Now.

Camille Belle. I love this dress and this color. Absolutely perfect. I wish I had a formal event to dress up for. Now that I'm out of college, there's really nothing that dressy anymore...aside from the occasional wedding. In sororityland, there was some sort of date party/crush party/formal/mixer every week! I'd have my mom fed-ex me old prom dresses or clean-up at end of season sales (BCBG outlet, you were my savior)! The last hot dress I purchased sat in my closet for 6 months. I thought I might be going to a wedding, but that fell through. So, went total diva and I wore on my Birthday...accompanied by a crown. It made me miss playing dress-up so bad!

Blake Lively in a sick Burberry Trench. Awesome. I found a black trench at Salvation Army a few years ago and was stoked! buuutttt, it's the original, London Fog style...great for work, not super flattering. Bebe and some others have brought back the trench the in the last few years...but the new version is much more sleek and flattering. Some can almost be worn as a dress. I love anything deemed "business sexy" and this totally fits the bill.

Love this too. Blake can be hit or miss sometimes. Understandably so. She obviously gets a great wardrobe on Gossip Girl, but that's not really her. I applaud her though, because she mixes alot of high-end and low-end fashion. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. I certainly don't think she deserves to be on the cover of Vogue or any top ten best dressed list; however, her style is easily attainable/replicated. She almost always chooses flattering cuts and colors, and definitely attempts trends. BUT, fashion "icons," or at least "top ten" contenders, should break ground, take risks, experiment, and make any "trend" their own. They should have their own STYLE, to which others cater to. Some examples; Gwen Stefani, Jennifer Aniston, Erin Wasson, Rihanna, MKA Olsen, Sienna Miller, Carine Roitfeld. These women have a distinct and consistent style, to which trends and designers follow and shape. Rhianna and MKA experiment, Aniston is the "girl next door" or "classic", Wasson and Sienna mix it up and play with trends, Gwen and Carine are in a league of their own. Now, juxtapose these fashionistas with the Lauren Conrads and Disney Brats and Ashlee/Jessica Simpsons of the world. They follow, the aforementioned lead.

Eva Mendes. I love this fabric. Jennifer Aniston recently sported a strapless number in a similar shade too. I think the fabric is called acetate? Either way, its a nightmare to clean and susceptible to stains, but it really looks great when photographed.

Same thing(ish). Runway version; wayyyyy more fierce with leopard booties......

I was feeling long-winded today

How can such pretty people create such a heinous offspring? I really wonder how Shiloh and the Jolie-Pitt twins will turn out.....

How old is she? Is this still rebellious teen stage? Orange hair? Gew. And she looks so awkward. Everything is so wrong about this. Bruce needs to put his foot down...er Ashton? With a hot-ass mom like Demi you would think....

Yeah, I'm going to read it....probably a good treadmill/gym book. Candace Bushnell's are good for that too (Sex and the City, Lipstick Jungle, etc.) No brain cells required, because, like, sometimes the subtitles thingys during E! News Daily are like, totes hard to read....

P.S. She looks adorable here. I want it all!

Another thumbs-up. Simple. Flattering. Sweet Shoes. The other (better) Hilton Sister.

I am obsessed with Alexander Wang's tube dresses. They're so universally flattering and hot. The blue number was the "it" dress a few months ago, now this is the little diddy everyone and their mom are all over. Riri doing it best.

Ok, Paris actually looks good here. There are too many fashion disasters to keep track of and/or comment on. She broke up with Dougie boy (they seemed like a fake couple anyway...) and is probably on her way to the next as we speak. Definitely looks hot here though...eat your heart out Doug Leinheart? I'm sure he'll be fine. If he has any brains at all, he'd start hooking up with Kristin Cavalleri so he can prolong his 15 minutes through the Hills.

She's actually making a name for herself. Whitney was a lowly Teen Vogue intern 2 years ago. Then she got a paid job at Teen Vogue and some notoriety via the Hills. Now, she has(had?) her own reality show, a seemingly (because we all know how real "reality" is, right?) Kick-ass job at Diane Von Furstenburg, sick crib in NYC, and now invites to events of the fashion elite?!?! Good for her. Seriously. She looks amazing here and is the only other Hills alum doing something with her fame. Please, MTV, where is my reality show?!?! "The Shitty"???

I pray to the Gods of treadmills, botox, spray tans, and hair color that I look this good at 40.

You suck. Ok, not really. I'm being unfair. I absolutely hated every essence of her character's being in "He's Just Not That Into You". She was the awful stereotype of everything wrong with psycho (not in a kinda-cool way), love obsessed, awkward girls everywhere. EHH I wanted to rip her head off from the first scene...and she got the happiest ending!!!! Damn you, Hollywood.

You're awesome. Sienna is the epitome of border-line-hipster hot.

And she has equally as hot/cool looking friends. I love the sequin dress but I always feel so Vegas/Atlantic City when I try to wear one on a day other than New Years...

Where/What/Who has Heather Graham been doing since Austin Powers? She was so hot then and the video "American Woman" almost made me go gay. White Snake's girl writhing on a car hood had nothin on Heather. In The Hangover, she back, hotter than ever, and had great comedic timing as usual. Annnd a nice boob shot. This dress is straight sex. She must have bought it, washed it in hot, and gave it to Kristen as a favor. Look Cavalleri, I want to like you. Keep dressing well, keep your clothes on, stop appearing in bullshit movies/shows/videos, and maybe I'll start upholding you to the standards of my other girl crushes.

You are my idol. Don't confuse "Chelsea Lately" Handler with the real thing. I do watch and love Chelsea Lately, because up until Conan's new gig, she was the funniest/most pop culture-y late night host available before 1am. She's openly Dem, and jokes about politics often, but doesn't get too Colbert on your ass and still has time in the show for a midget named Chuy and enough estrogen to openly hit on T.I. like a dog in heat. Her books are absolutely amazing. Stop reading this bullshit blog, and go buy "Are you there Vodka, It's me Chelsea" or "My Horizontal Life" right now. It's the crudeness and humor of Tucker Max, but less made up and less douch-y. Please...read her/watch her/love her and keep this woman around. I want her to achieve Oprah status. She doesn't suck and she can make fun of herself without being Kathy Griffin. Let's applaud that, because its hard to find in Hollywood.

You're a bitch and I love you. Olivia Palermo is a snobby, cutthroat, privileged brat, but she has enough poise/sense/brains? to not talk/behave like a moron/puppet/animal. She doesn't self-promote to the point of absurdity. She could easily be a Hilton/Kim Stewart/Kardashian gagfest, but she's a little more understated. She has a "real" job thus dodging the "what the hell are you famous for?" bullet. The girl can dress and groom herself well. I hope she sticks around a little longer. Her fashion sense is impeccable.

I am addicted to Boom Boom Pow. That, and "Beggin" by Madcon are on repeat. Contrary to what the Media would like us to believe, Fergie is not "hot". She is a master of disguise, fitness, and personality. No one can deny her coolness, talent/singing ability, block-rockin beats, devotion to the gym, or taste in footwear. But seeing this woman without make-up and wardrobe is scary. It doesn't hurt to have badass sidekicks either.

New scenes for the next season of Nip Tuck. I love that show. It got weird for a little while, but the last season was awesome. How is Kelly Carlson not more famous? She's better than cable. Right? I looove her character...the evil, sexy, cougar Kimber. She's always 70 or 80 something on the Maxim/FHM hot 100. She needs to sign on to a sleeper or indie hit. I nominate her for the "Wrestler" of 2009. Hey if Marissa Tomei can do it, I'm gettin out my rally towel for Kelly.

7 Random (ok...not so random) Things

So I guess I'll jump on this bandwagon. Let's be real...its not like I'm about to quit my day job for this gig. BUT I do have probably the most awesome boss in the world...because (in addition to other reasons to remain unmentioned) 1) he actually reads my blog, and 2) doesn't question who or what I am during non-working hours. And THAT is cool.

1) I am an only child...and by default a spoiled brat. I talk to my mother at least 3 times a day...usually through different mediums of communication (phone, text, and email). I think this is totally normal....everyone else thinks I (we) are insane.

2) I love love love to dress up; for work, for going out, and...for ManCandy (wink).

3) I've been in love twice, and fake love twice. I don't believe in soul mates (that shit is retarded) and hope to have lots and lots of babies someday.

4) I am actually a very sane individual. I've never gotten into a physical fight or broken any bones...only a few stitches.

5) I couldn't draw my way out of a paper bag.

6) Other than Mexico, I've only been to English speaking countries.....

7) I don't know how to nap...ain't no rest for the wicked I guess ;)

And they all lived Happily Ever After...

I stumbled upon this project by photographer Dina Goldstein titled "Fallen Princesses".

Read the whole article here http://www.jpgmag.com/stories/11918 Like any other little American girl, I grew up loving and wanting to emulate Disney Movies. In fact, my favorite Sex and The City quote has to do with the underlying theme of Disney...living happily ever after. Charlotte, "I've been waiting for Prince Charming for 34 years...where the fuck is he?!" Goldstein's project puts said Disney Princesses in scenarios facing real women today. The result is groundbreaking.

A real Desperate Housewife.

I can't decide if this one is my favorite.....

Not so Little Red Riding Hood

Just sad.

What if Sleeping Beauty never woke up?

Crazy.

Or is this my favorite? Creepily reminds me of Janice Dickinson.