Bad Days and Delaware

As promised, I figured I'd delve into the crappiness of my life recently. I'm no Debbie Downer, so we'll do a positive-negative-positive sandwich; like they teach me to do when coaching children. Positives: I love my job (which puts me in less than 1% of the employed population), I love my friends, and I love to run, which by default, pumps my brain full of endorphins, hence making me/my attitude much more resilient when faced with fuckmylife scenarios.

So I was robbed. Yeah. Leaving the gym, took my wallet and ipod.

Now, you would have thought this happened in Philly, but no no, this was in good 'ol Wilmington. To remedy my situation I had to spend the past day or so 1) wasting 2 hours of my life at the dmv to get another license (thus making it possible for me to drive to work and/or consume alcohol), 2) canceling all credit cards and re-issuing new ones....again, no fun to be on the phone for 4 hours accomplishing this, 3) getting on a first-name basis with the people at my wachovia branch because my only way to get dinero at this point is to cash checks to myself....awesome. I can't imagine what life was like before debit/credit cards.

My roommate and I also (in the past week) have realized that our lease is a month longer than expected. We hate our landlord and apartment. No a/c, no dishwasher, no laundry, no bathroom fan/ventilation (i.e. mold growing everywhere no matter how much we clean!!!), and no parking. The roof leaks and the plumbing clogs. The roommate is moving down the beach in 2 weeks...I'm stuck til August....gew.

Wilmington, Delaware is a cool place. No really. Doesn't this look like fun? This is one of the better bars. The name? Scratch Magoos. It just spells class.

Picturesque Brandywine River park. This is where I lay out to tan. I just have to check for crack needles beforehand. You would never guess its right next to section 8 housing.

Another hopping place. Rooney's; the local watering hole. Kareoke Idol baby...and the best dance floor in town......

My Bestie's place. There's actually nothing bad I can say about it other than I'm jealous.

ManCandy's place. Nicer than it appears. The 2nd floor is/are apartments, 1st floor is/are shitty retail stores clearly bombing in this economy, a Subway, and Happy Harrys (drugstore/social hub).

Ciao Pizza (actually delicious pizza) awkwardly/cheesily shaped like a pizza slice....

I want to get out of Delaware!!!! I need a new place, a new man, and happy hour to be here now!

Just a Dash...

What to do when extremely sleep deprived? Caffeine binge. Two 24oz coffees deep and I'm feeling rather cracked-out. I've had a shitty past few days....more on that later, roughly 4 hours sleep combined since Tuesday, and cannot wait for 5:00 o'clock to come soon enough. Sigh, enough with the pitty party... check out Dasha Zhukara, editor in chief of POP magazine. Possibly my next style icon.

I am a HUGE fan of black tights.

She does monochromatic right.

Two outfits I would totally wear. I love the shades.

I'm copying both of these looks. Dasha and Olivia Palermo are the only two I've seen really rock the oxford with the liquid leggings; so underrated. I'm salivating over that skirt....

Amazing outfit by Emily. I just bought shoes like that. Hers are prada....mine were $5.00 at some ghetto store around the block from my office...and by ghetto I mean polyester halter tops on plastic bodices in the window....

Alexa Chung. Perfect summer looks.

Love both of these. I want her hair color. It's the idea shade of "sunkissed".

Megan Fox does Elle. So Hot. I think my homie at What Would Tyler Dirden Do? describes her best, ".... it’s hard to even imagine new ways for her to get any more perfect. Unless gold coins fall out of her when she comes, there’s really no where else to go."

Even if this guy looks like the unfortunate love-child of Stephen Hawking and Gary Busey, I would still blow him as long as he could say the hilarious shit he writes while I was doing it.

100th Post?!

Get the fuck out! Luckily this isn't a real blog...as all of 5 people actually read it. (I'm patting my own shoulder and giving myself a goddam cookie.)

Sorry it took so long for me to post this...you see I had to change my pants after I.....

Yup. Tori's a babe...clearly doing fine and soaking up some rays this past weekend. Oh, and here boobs? Totes real.

You are no Lauren Conrad....but you'll do. Kristen will be the successor on The Hills. No way! I bet no one saw that coming.

July issue. Thank you.

For the love of god. Die.

Justin's a dork/closeted. Tranny Biel looks like she could be on the cover of Fitness magazine and JT may as well be swinging his arms to the side and holding a sign for prop 8. I should appreciate this since I am a runner, but I like to make fun of couples who look this douche-y.

So on the topic of prop 8.....Wow. Adam Lambert. Clearly no homo....see interview with Entertainment Weekly below.

EW: I want to just get this question out of the way first, something that's been dangling a bit over you for the whole season: Would you like to put to rest all the speculation about your sexuality?
LAMBERT: It's not dangling over my head. [Laughing] It may be dangling over yours, but it's not over mine. Yeah, I think speculation keeps things really interesting.
EW: So you don't want to say anything one way or the other?
LAMBERT: Like I said, I think speculation keeps things very, very interesting. [Laughs]

EW: I want to just get this question out of the way first, something that's been dangling a bit over you for the whole season: Would you like to put to rest all the speculation about your sexuality?
LAMBERT: It's not dangling over my head. [Laughing] It may be dangling over yours, but it's not over mine. Yeah, I think speculation keeps things really interesting.
EW: So you don't want to say anything one way or the other?
LAMBERT: Like I said, I think speculation keeps things very, very interesting. [Laughs]

Pu Pu Platter

I used to always get that from Asian take out places...had a little bit of everything. Unfortunately, I try not to eat Chinese very much since I know I'm technically eating the horses that lost at the race track under the guise of some other farm animal (pork fried rice anyone?), but if my memory serves me correctly, the Pu-Pu platter was the shit. Where else can you get an egg roll, wings, beef teriyaki, crab Rangoon warmed over a mini hibachi grill for $11.95 (and free fried noodles?) so clutch.

Wow. Britney looks amazing. Photos from this weekend......

What the hell. I feel like she's some crazy shape-shifter from another dimension. Actually, unicorns and aliens are walking beside her, but just out of scope of the camera lens. This is her on the Circus tour....i.e. yesterday.

Not all the spray tans and seaweed wraps in the world could accomplish that.

But this is how I like her best; smoking body, yet trailer-trash hot mess. Bikini, jorts, soda and Cheetos, trucker hat, getting into a Mercedes worth more than my life.

Hmmm. She ain't no Cindy Crawford. I could have sworn she was looking better than this. Why do you lie to me Hollywood?

Missin his baby-girl I suppose. You DID beat the shit out of her, asshole....eh, I digress. However, this photo serves as a nice foray into a Beyonce/Riri comparison. Beyonce had the dancing talent/ability of a mythical goddess but the style of a Real Housewife of Atlanta. See as she tries to mimic the sick fashion sense of Ri.

In the shoe department, I think it is clear who wins. Plus, despite my love of all things plaid, that dress is kinda woof.

I actually think I like Beyonce's jacket more, but Riri's pairing with the shorts, shades, and curly faux hawk is badass.

No contest.

Again, game over. Beyonce's outfit looks like something my mom would buy from Ann Taylor or Petite Sophisticate and think she was on the cusp of the fashion world. Not only are the pants unflattering and the shoes look like they were purchased at the hush puppy outlet, but I don't get the striped house-coat/vest thing. Riri=so hot right now.

Hard to fit in all that "Memorializing"...

Happy Belated Memorial Day! If any of you were like yours truly, you probably spent the long weekend tanning, boozing, and preying on members of the opposite sex. Great way to honor our nation's Veterans.....

As mentioned, I was more or less a hot mess from 5pm Friday-on. I was lucky enough to leave work at 1pm, because my boss is in all senses "the man", and tore down I-95 like a meth addict looking for his next fix. I made 2 stops between Philadelphia and Dewey Beach; 1) the liquor store where I disgusted even myself with the amount of cheap alcohol $60.00 will get you, and 2) the bank to both deposit my paycheck and withdraw half of it in the same fell swoop.

Too many of these. Actually, too many of these, shots of Rumplemitz, orange and/or grapefruit "crushes" (an orange crush is ice, 6oz vodka, 2oz triple sec, 1oz fresh squeezed OJ and 1oz sprite...yeah), bud light lime, "bullsharks", bloodys, and dewey devils. Needless to say Sunday was officially the drunkest day of my life. Awesome/alcoholic cousins + suicide Sunday (i.e. drinking at 10am) + double fisting orange crushes + no breakfast = awfulness. Although much hilarity did ensue, my 9 hour long blackout was something I couldn't even accomplish in college. Oh, maturity....how I have yet to be acquainted with you.

Since I spent 99% of the weekend in some form of bathing suit + shirt-that-I-was-passing-off-as-a-dress + fun sunglasses, I feel the need to comment on one celebrity in a bikini....does anyone else see that bulge?!?!?!? wtf?

I don't feel bad for you. Crazy......

Fairy. Don't celebrities know by now that this is not a good way to show you are "down to earth"?

Yeah, she fine. If one was to do "peacock", I would say this is it.....

This is just bad. Lo is not a chubby girl but this makes her look like goddam Kirstie Allie.

Hey casper. Black and blue? Slick-back librarian bun? Hmmmmm.

I hate everything about you. Please go away. My biggest fear is that her career is somehow not fleeting and I'm stuck with you and your oddly shaped mouth....

Equally annoying. Barf. I hate country. Although Taylor is clearly more talented than say, Jessica Simpson, these little chicklets just seem like they suck. If I see one more magazine clearly marketed to women 20-35 (cough, Glamor/Marie Claire/Cosmo....) with one of these spray-tanned-not-even-legal tweens airbrushed on the cover I will scream. What they hell do they know about men or fashion? The boys they've kissed (dad/cousins), their awesome style sense (um, are you kidding me? Disney clearly pays for the stylist that puts clothes on your barely pubescent bodies), their work out regimen (Yeah, my rack looked great when I was 16 too) or lack thereof ("I don't have to watch what I eat..." ahem, your metabolism is the best it will ever be in your life) make me want to vomit/sputter with rage.