Back in my second day of reality after an uber-fun weekend away. Why am I in such a glorious mood? Well, little grasshopper, its because Sunday marked the official return of Football season! 4 glorious months of Sunday Fundays and socially acceptable drinking on Monday nights. Also, the adoration and respect of all my guy friends because, quite frankly, my Fantasy team will kick your Fantasy team's ass.
Now that my dreaded move is over and done with, and beach season is officially over, I'm sortof excited to spend my first weekend really chiiiiiillin at home.
The past weekend was spent with ManCandy at a wedding in Detroit. Of course, this was anything but boring since yours truly cannot behave like a human 99% of the time. So, first off, our flight was cancelled. We tried to figure out the best possible solution for getting there as soon as possible, and retardedly ended up driving to Baltimore and flying out of BWI. (Reminder: I live in Philadelphia). Not to mention it was sorta during rush hour and sorta the worst weather I've seen in a really long time. Since there was no time to spare, we were dressed in what we were going to wear to the rehearsal dinner....read: formal dress. Yeahh got a few looks, haha, especially in my hooker-esque footwear.
So we finally get to Detroit...several hours later than planned. However, ManCandy bitched his way into 1st class (I mean, our flight did get fucking cancelled)...and that meant "taking the edge off" during the flight...if you catch my drift.
Now, I didn't really know what to expect from Michigan. My only concept of the place is what I've seen in American Pie....and my favorite Penn State Football T-shirt that reads "Ann Arbor is a Whore." Wholly molly. The Midwest is one different breed. We go to get the rental car and you would have thought that Foreign Car makers were the Devil.
Me: So....do we have to get a Chevy Cobalt?
Enterprise woman: You say that like its a bad thing. I mean, you can have any mid-size on the lot.
Me: How about that Volkswagen Passat? (insert beautiful, silver 2008 Passat)
Enterprise woman (as she shudders): Sure, take it. People rarely want that one.
AWKWERRRD.
So there we are cruising along in the Passat, getting stink eyes from the townies, when the groom to be calls us and tells us we missed the rehearsal dinner. So we say fuck it, and head to the crusty pub where the wedding party is now at.
Now, I'm not really sure what to expect, because the Bride and Groom to be are total "bros and bras". They're avid snowboarders living in Crested Butte, CO that operate a ski shop and manage one of the resorts. So, I know going in this may be less than traditional. The Bride's favorite color is purple....so I had heard the bridesmaid dresses were going to be plum. What I wasn't prepared for was the groomsmen to be in chocolate tuxes with suspenders and purple passion chuck taylors....
So, after a fun little post-rehearsal celebration, ManCandy and I are headed back to the hotel. We decide that we may need to purchase some "back-up" adult beverages for that night/post wedding. Enter Four Loko. So we pull of the interstate on some bumfuck/deliverance exit and pull into the post office/liquor store hybrid. We inspect the beer/malt beverage selection when a fine American citizen stumbles in asking the night manager for something specific;
Townie/bum:"I've had a real rough day man. What'll get me fucked up...fast and cheap."
The one-armed night manager dutifully recommends the wonderful cocktail showcased above. Without need for words, ManCandy and I decide we also will be purchasing "Four Loko"....
Me: "Can we buy this by the Case?"
Uni-arm Night Manager: "That's 11% pure alcohol little lady."
Me: "Did I studder?"
Five minutes later, and for the bargain price of $25.00, we were now the proud consumers of 32 Four Lokos.
We luckily used some restraint in our consumption that night. Saturday was mostly spent running errands and getting ready before the ceremony. A few "lokos" before and several vodka sodas after, ManCandy and I were feeling awesome by Dinner. Now, there were roughly 25 people at the Wedding for the groom (us included) and about 150 Michiganites there for the bride. I'm pretty sure it was only the Groom's "peoples" who were gettin down. The Groom's father started a conga line, the groom's brother looked like he was seizuring/on some good coke, and I was cutting a rug with "the relic" (i.e. a very limber Grandpa) to the best of my ability. The Chester County folk (Groom's peeps) kept the music pumping and the alcohol a-flowin for a good 6 hours. A girl told me my "rhythm" was incredible, and one of the waitstaff told ManCandy he had some "boss moves". However, nothing in my life can ever end well. As ManCandy tried to "leap-frog" me during a Rick Springfield song, I toppled back and slammed directly on my tailbone. You know you had a good time at a Wedding when you're webmd-ing "bruised coccyx" the next day.
Lookin good. Skinny and mentally ill or bloated and sane?
Too soon?
Maybe Kanye was such a jackass (p.s. I love that Obama call him that) because he was fucking hammered at the VMAs.
These two fugly weirdos deserve each other.
LIES! ALL LIES!!! Photo at right was taken 4 weeks ago. WHY MUST YOU LIE TO ME HOLLYWOOD?????
OMFG. I want it.
I want your shoes.
I want your wardrobe.
I want your man. (I'd rip those khakis right off.....)
I want "the City" part deux. (I swear I DVR and fast forward through the scenes not involving Ms. Palermo.)
I want your hair.
Now that my dreaded move is over and done with, and beach season is officially over, I'm sortof excited to spend my first weekend really chiiiiiillin at home.
The past weekend was spent with ManCandy at a wedding in Detroit. Of course, this was anything but boring since yours truly cannot behave like a human 99% of the time. So, first off, our flight was cancelled. We tried to figure out the best possible solution for getting there as soon as possible, and retardedly ended up driving to Baltimore and flying out of BWI. (Reminder: I live in Philadelphia). Not to mention it was sorta during rush hour and sorta the worst weather I've seen in a really long time. Since there was no time to spare, we were dressed in what we were going to wear to the rehearsal dinner....read: formal dress. Yeahh got a few looks, haha, especially in my hooker-esque footwear. 
So we finally get to Detroit...several hours later than planned. However, ManCandy bitched his way into 1st class (I mean, our flight did get fucking cancelled)...and that meant "taking the edge off" during the flight...if you catch my drift.
So, after a fun little post-rehearsal celebration, ManCandy and I are headed back to the hotel. We decide that we may need to purchase some "back-up" adult beverages for that night/post wedding. Enter Four Loko. So we pull of the interstate on some bumfuck/deliverance exit and pull into the post office/liquor store hybrid. We inspect the beer/malt beverage selection when a fine American citizen stumbles in asking the night manager for something specific;
Posts
