Time to get Gnar

An hour and a half left until I leave corporate America to get gnarley at the beach...

Please please let the weather be nice! I need to recharge my tan. I mean, what fun is running around naked unless you look like the Coppertone kid?

I have the greatest friends in the world. Like everyone else in the English speaking world, I admit to facebook stalking. It's a great self-esteem booster to look up people who’ve seen you naked,( er, cool people you used to hang out with) and compare their life to yours. Usually, I win. Photo above, I dated WhiteTshirt my sophmore year of college. We met at a frat party when he told me he liked my pumas. Clearly the beginning of a mature and lasting relationship. Now? Greenman's throne.

Who willingly makes this their profile pic? The same person that wants to have Justin Timberlake's Future Sex Love Sounds* on while making out. *Granted, that album was the hottest shit at the time, but I am still irrevocably scarred. Seriously though, I love running into this kid. Slightly egomaniacal, slightly homosexual, but can dance like Zac Efron on coke, dress so well it makes Ryan Seacrest look like he shops at sears, and sweet talk anything with vajaja like Marc Anthony trying to get some from JLo.

Smile for the camera! I love that she has/had a sex tape too. I guess someone had enough sense to video tape himself f-ing out her meth-soaked brains a few years back. Oh my, how far she has come. The eating disorder? Totally unexpected. Who could ever imagine that she has reason hate herself and have issues like that?

Caught ya...you sneaky son of a bitch. David Mormon-ass Archuleta's dad was caught with his dick inside a hooker. Figures. Busted in a raid at some Utah massage parlor.

I want to drug you, drag you back to my lair, do things to you that would make Ron Jeremy blush, and make you a slave to my desires. I want you Bradley Cooper....