Hard to fit in all that "Memorializing"...

Happy Belated Memorial Day! If any of you were like yours truly, you probably spent the long weekend tanning, boozing, and preying on members of the opposite sex. Great way to honor our nation's Veterans.....

As mentioned, I was more or less a hot mess from 5pm Friday-on. I was lucky enough to leave work at 1pm, because my boss is in all senses "the man", and tore down I-95 like a meth addict looking for his next fix. I made 2 stops between Philadelphia and Dewey Beach; 1) the liquor store where I disgusted even myself with the amount of cheap alcohol $60.00 will get you, and 2) the bank to both deposit my paycheck and withdraw half of it in the same fell swoop.

Too many of these. Actually, too many of these, shots of Rumplemitz, orange and/or grapefruit "crushes" (an orange crush is ice, 6oz vodka, 2oz triple sec, 1oz fresh squeezed OJ and 1oz sprite...yeah), bud light lime, "bullsharks", bloodys, and dewey devils. Needless to say Sunday was officially the drunkest day of my life. Awesome/alcoholic cousins + suicide Sunday (i.e. drinking at 10am) + double fisting orange crushes + no breakfast = awfulness. Although much hilarity did ensue, my 9 hour long blackout was something I couldn't even accomplish in college. Oh, maturity....how I have yet to be acquainted with you.

Since I spent 99% of the weekend in some form of bathing suit + shirt-that-I-was-passing-off-as-a-dress + fun sunglasses, I feel the need to comment on one celebrity in a bikini....does anyone else see that bulge?!?!?!? wtf?

I don't feel bad for you. Crazy......

Fairy. Don't celebrities know by now that this is not a good way to show you are "down to earth"?

Yeah, she fine. If one was to do "peacock", I would say this is it.....

This is just bad. Lo is not a chubby girl but this makes her look like goddam Kirstie Allie.

Hey casper. Black and blue? Slick-back librarian bun? Hmmmmm.

I hate everything about you. Please go away. My biggest fear is that her career is somehow not fleeting and I'm stuck with you and your oddly shaped mouth....

Equally annoying. Barf. I hate country. Although Taylor is clearly more talented than say, Jessica Simpson, these little chicklets just seem like they suck. If I see one more magazine clearly marketed to women 20-35 (cough, Glamor/Marie Claire/Cosmo....) with one of these spray-tanned-not-even-legal tweens airbrushed on the cover I will scream. What they hell do they know about men or fashion? The boys they've kissed (dad/cousins), their awesome style sense (um, are you kidding me? Disney clearly pays for the stylist that puts clothes on your barely pubescent bodies), their work out regimen (Yeah, my rack looked great when I was 16 too) or lack thereof ("I don't have to watch what I eat..." ahem, your metabolism is the best it will ever be in your life) make me want to vomit/sputter with rage.