Thursday, April 30, 2009

I'm thinking a 9.5

9.5 on what you ask? Oh, just the crazy scale. I'm actually stressing about what to wear to the FOB concert tomorrow. I'm stressing over what I'm wearing to a teeny-bopper, sell-outs-r-us concert at 22 years old. Shoot me in the face. On a side note, Olivia Palermo has the most kick ass hair ever...(sigh)

Real life inspiration? I think so....Real Manhattan condescending socialite - shiny hair - dewy skin= Gossip Girl Character "Blair Waldorf"

Ok, so she's evil...but she makes evil look so damn good. Her style is amazing and she's extremely attractive to the point that I'm beginning to question my own sexual preference.

EW. The cover of cosmo?!?! Are you happy cosmopolitan? You now have my $3.95 for an awful article on boring-ass Whitney Port and her clearly air-brushed-on cleavage. What the hell did you put her in anyway? This isn't 1997. That dress is heinous. If I don't boost my sex drive and lose 5lbs in 7 days I'm writing an irate letter demanding my money back.

Why does anyone care about Hannah Montana still...much less the older audience of Glamour. You go from Michelle Obama and Jennifer Connely (i.e. people/celebrities actually worthy of an article, and/or respect) to efing Disney Princess? I wish she would just go away. P.S. Chip and Dale are missing their long lost sister.

In order to catch the eye of my odd, sexually driven boy-crush, Pete Wentz, tomorrow, I figure I'll channel Ashlee Simpson....who, the more and more I study her style, is basically the bootleg version of MK. Please note comparison below. Clearly, winner=MK.

Ashlee has nicer hair here (to me at least) but MK definitely wins again....on the shoes alone...lets be real.

Stick to your day job Ashlee (whatever the hell that may be these days)...no one puts MK in a corner (haha get it?...for all you readers with adult/good music taste, I was doing a little word play on a Fall Out Boy song title....oh, I digress)

Granted, it might be cold wherever Ashlee was when this pic was taken, and MK was likely in LA, but MK has it again. So, the game plan: dress like Ashlee Simpson (who really just dresses like MK Olsen) to win the affection of fun-sized bassist of Fall Out Boy, then, use this leverage to get backstage, and woo the band with my awesomeness/age, (since the braces-faced fans probably get old after a while,) and then have 10,000 Bronx-Mowgli-whatever the hell Pete named his first born-Babies with Wentz and live happily ever after with my terribly named children and his English bulldog Hemingway. (Sigh) I'll apply his guy-liner and dye his hair emo until the day he dies...

Fierce competition? Well, although my karaoke is a sight to be seen, I don't think I'll need to blame acid reflux for lip-synching embarrassment on national television. The jig is up Ash; there's a new blonde (er....former red-head) in town...

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